Vanity Thy Name Is Bella
by Redbookbluebook
Summary: Bella is a thesaurus full of words when it comes to descibing just how hot Edward is...


A/N This was just a quick satire I wrote for my writing class but I figured some of you might enjoy it. I actually love Twilight don't get me wrong, but the amount of hype there has been around it has killed my obsession with the series for a while.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything twilight as it belongs to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. I do however own George my wonderful barista, or as I like to call the male baristas, baristo.

**Vanity Thy Name is Bella**

Edward was beautiful; the weak rays of sun bringing out the bits of red in his auburn locks. He had the body of an Adonis, and the face of a model. His high cheekbones, and slightly crooked smile dazzled me. His amber eyes gazed lovingly into my own deep brown ones, as we lay sprawled out beside each other in the meadow, our meadow. Propped up on lightly muscled arms, his gaze pierced through me as I breathed in his cool scent. His shirt was left unbuttoned and his rippling abs glittered in the dying sunlight like a disco ball in a nightclub full of men wearing body glitter. He was perfect.

It wasn't looks that attracted me to this gorgeous creature of course, but his mind. He was older than me (only by a century) and therefore his intelligence extended far beyond that of my juvenile peers. We had the most scintillating conversations about our past experiences, books, music and our entwined lives in the rainy little town of Forks.

He cared about me and treated me well, which was all that really mattered.

We've been together for about four months now, although two weeks ago there was a little bit of jealousy that had to be taken care of. Edward, though I love him dearly is such an overprotective boyfriend who tends to jump to conclusions faster than he can run while playing baseball (and he can run pretty damn fast.) I mean sure Mike, Tyler and Eric all asked me to the dance but I didn't take them seriously, so why should Edward? Then there was Jacob. He was my best friend, at least until he kissed me. That was rather irritating but what can you do? Edward had no reason to be jealous of the insanely good-looking native boy, since he is absolutely stunning himself. Anyway, this latest incident involved Edward and I sitting at the quaint coffee shop down the street from my grocery store. It was a slow day, and the barista showed up at our table to take our order. This wasn't an unusual occurrence, but Edward wrapping his arm possessively around me was. I raised my eyebrow at the gesture, but otherwise remained quiet. I turned to George, who was lacking the friendly smile that generally adorned his face every time I saw him. Today he looked rather tense; I wondered why.

George and I had bonded during my first few miserable weeks in Forks when the only things I had to talk to were a cactus and my father Charlie who had attempted (and failed) to relate to me. Of course George wasn't that much younger than Charlie, maybe ten years max, but it made a big difference. Months had passed and over biscotti and hot chocolate we had become close friends.

He left swiftly after taking our order. I turned to face my jaw-dropping, gorgeous boyfriend.

"What was that all about?" I asked, referring to his behaviour earlier.

"You should have heard him," Edward replied through gritted teeth. Oh yeah, not only is he pretty, but Edward also reads minds, everyone's but my own of course.

"Why?" I wondered aloud, what had my sweet George been thinking?

"He likes you." He responded shortly.

"Well obviously, we're friends."

"No," he said speaking slowly as though I wasn't catching on, which I wasn't admittedly. "He likes _you_ the same way that _I_ like you…As if he could." I heard Edward mutter under his breath.

"George!" I burst out appalled. Edward nodded. "Seriously? But he's like old. He'd almost Charlie's age for goodness sake. Why would he think that I could like him? I mean sure we have great conversations and everything but come on. Have you seen him?" Edward's brow furrowed. "Don't worry about it Edward," I leaned in closer to give him a peck on the cheek. "I love the handsome boy beside me, not him."

For some strange reason, Edward was not reassured.


End file.
